Love Is Enough
by rainbowsandsunshine123
Summary: Ben reflects on his relationship with Amy and wonders if maybe she is the reason his life turned out the way it did.


**Hi!**** So after Property Not For Sale and Regrets I felt inspired to write this. Now I've always been a Bamy fan but I feel like its never going to work out for them now, especially because the way everyone has been treating Ben. **

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I came home to another lecture from the Sausage King. And what else would he want to talk to me about other than how horrible I've been the past few years and how I'm messing up my whole life. '

That's who I am to everyone now: the screw up. The guy who messed up his life. The guy who will forever end up unhappy.

It wasn't always this way. No, on my first day if freshmen year if you were to tell me my life was to end up this way I would never have believed you. Heck I would have called you insane. Back then I thought that nothing could go wrong. I had this wonderful little fantasy about how my high school years would go. I would find the perfect girl, keep my perfect friends, and live the perfect life.

And it was all going as plan you could say; I had gotten my braces off and I was ready to go out there and get myself a girlfriend. Yeah it was all going well until Alice pointed _her_ out to me.

I hadn't even noticed her before, I was too busy drooling over Grace Bowman. But the minute I laid my eyes on her I decided that she was what I wanted. At first she was really more of a conquest for me, the perfect girl to loose my virginity to. But after our first date she became much more. She became the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the one I wanted to have children with, and the one that I wanted to grow old with. And after only a few days I told her I loved her, on the phone. And I admit that wasn't the brightest thing to do. but I was smitten and the words just rolled off my tongue. And to my amazement she said it back, sure she hesitated a little but she said it and that was all I needed. I needed her to love me.

Looking back on it now I can probably say that she didn't mean it the first time she said it. But my fifteen year old self , three years ago believed every word of it. I promised myself that I would love her unconditionally. And I did even after she threw up on her first date before I got a chance to kiss her. And later that night when I went over to her house to get my kiss, the kiss she gave me felt more real than anything I had ever experienced before.

But my love for her was really put to the test when my dad suggested that she might be pregnant. "But how can that be?" I had exclaimed. "I've only kissed her!"

But he turned out to be right as he usually is. When I took her on that picnic I had fully convinced myself that she wasn't pregnant. After all I was her first boyfriend, she had told me so herself. But when I asked her the question over hot wings she burst out crying and my questions were answered. My Amy was pregnant. So I leaned her head against my shoulder and I let her cry because I wasn't going to let something as "small" as a pregnancy get in our way even though the baby wasn't mine. So I did what I thought was best and I got down on one knee with a box containing a small diamond ring and proposed to her. I told her that I would love her no matter what and that we could tell everyone the baby was mine even though we never had sex. She didn't exactly accept my proposal; she said we would see. But maybe she just wanted to have the opportunity open in case she ever needed it.

And she did. One Saturday morning she called me into a diner. There I found her devouring a plate of pancakes. "You still want to marry me?" She asked. And of course I agreed because I could never say no to her, I loved her too much. I agreed to do it even though the only reason she had come to this decision was that her mom wanted her to get a job. So I did what she said and we got fake I.D. s and got married. But I know for a fact that she loved me when she said her wedding vows. But my mistake was that I had let myself believe that she would love me forever.

Well of course our whole marriage thing didn't work, we were naïve to think that it would. I mean after all we were underage. But I still wanted to support her and the baby even after my dad told me it was going to be my own responsibility. I got a job at my family's butcher shop to help and provide for her and I even became friends with Ricky for her and the baby's sake. But Amy would always get mad when I tried to get involved and give my input on the situation. She told me that I didn't have to worry about anything since it wasn't my baby but she never considered that maybe I did want to be involved. She would get mad when I would ask her about her and Ricky. She would accuse me of being jealous, but why wouldn't I be the guy had got her pregnant, any good boyfriend would be concerned. But even after all that I loved her and again I fully believe that she loved me.

When she went into labor I was the first one she called. I stayed there all night, waiting. Occasionally I would go in there and see if she needed anything, but just seeing her in such immense pain would make me feel light headed and I would sometimes pass out.

But when John was born and Amy laid him into my arms I knew I would love the little guy no matter what would happen between me and Amy; even though he started screaming his lungs out the minute he was in my arms. And I still do, I love John even though I don't get to see him much anymore.

And the day John was born was the day Amy told me how much she appreciated everything I did for her, and that's what made it all worth it. That alone made me know that I had some the right thing. I had taken care of the girl I loved in her time of need. And you should know till this day I have never come to regret anything I did. If I could go back and do it again I would not change a thing. I just wish that Amy would have been pregnant with my baby in the first place. Maybe then things would have worked out between us.

After she had John she changed. but its not like I would have expected her not to, she was a new mother. Her whole life had changed. And once again I told her that I would be there for her, no matter what. And once again I truly believed that we were going to last for forever. But things in our relationship became rocky. And I admit a contributing factor in our crumbling relationship was the fact that I was jealous of Ricky. He was over all the time because of John and I wouldn't put it past him to try something on Amy.

I guess my Dad could see how stressed I was, because what other reason would he have to suggest I go to Italy and not take John and Amy with me. When I brought up my trip to Amy she wanted to come along. And of course I couldn't say no to her, even though we were going through a rough patch in our relationship I still loved her and wanted to do whatever I could to make her happy. So I agreed to let her come if she could figure out how she was going to leave John behind. In the end she couldn't find a way to go. So the morning before I left when I went over to say goodbye to her I found Ricky there and I knew for sure he had spent the night. Well that did it for me. I was angry I didn't know if anything had happened between them but I couldn't control my anger. We didn't really talk during the summer and I admit I did have an affair with a girl I met in Italy named Maria. But that's all it was: a fling. So at the end of the summer I returned home to Amy.

Again it was hard. She was mad that I hadn't called her in two weeks and she was convinced that I had had an affair. But in the end we decided to start over. But by then I was obsessed with the idea of having sex. But because she didn't want to have sex I tried to find things we had in common. But even then I still believed that everything would work out for us in the end.

By that time Adriana and Ricky had also began a relationship so the threat of Ricky was gone. But something was still wrong in our relationship. Something that seemed like it couldn't be fixed. So one day in an effort to patch things up I went over to her house with a cooler of chicken wings. And in a matter of thirty minutes we were engaged again and she wanted to move in together and get married after we graduated high school. But soon after I began to question my feeling for her. I knew without a doubt that I loved her, but I wasn't sure how much anymore.

And we ended things when Maria came to town. But even in that time when we were broken up I knew in my heart that weren't over yet. I still loved her and I knew that I always would. And it would have. Everything would have worked out fine if _he_ hadn't kissed her. But he did; Ricky kissed her. What I had always feared had come true. So I slept with Adrian. She was upset about Ricky and she was convinced that they had slept together. She had convinced me that this was the only way to get back at them. So stupid me went along with it. And I can tell you honestly right now: biggest mistake of my life. I wish I could take it back even now.

But even then I was still optimistic. So after calling Amy and telling her I loved her we got back together. And let me tell you it was the best time we had ever spent together. I could tell in that time being that she genuinely loved me. But again I can never have a happily ever after. My life is just too fucked up for happy endings. Right around the time I got back together with Amy, Adrian found out she was pregnant. And when I went to go tell Amy in New York she broke up with me.

At first I was willing to do anything to get her back. She was what I wanted and I would stop at nothing to get her back. But after Ricky went to go visit her in New York I knew it was no use, it was over. So I decided to embrace the circumstances and I tried to work on a relationship with Adrian. And we got married. During this time Amy and Ricky also began a relationship and they just seemed so happy.

Well their happiness was like a slap in a face after we lost Mercy. After giving up everything for my daughter and wanting to start a new life for her I had lost her. It was all for nothing. And it was all over. Everything. Of course me and Adrian broke up. The only reason we had gotten together was because of the baby. Now that there was no baby there was no point of us being together. And Adrian told me she was still in love with Ricky and someday she would be with him again. Well by then I had lost two people in my life to Ricky.

Not soon after I met Dylan. And she's nothing more than a time filler for me. Something to hold onto until something better comes along. I don't love her even though I might say I do. I love Amy because well I love her. I loved Adrian because she was having my baby. But Dylan I do not love.

And now Amy is married to Ricky. Yup married. And I still cant hide my feelings for her. And I cant keep my mouth shut because everyone now knows that I still love Amy. Not that it was any kind of secret. But now I'm known as being hopeless and that idiot who can't get over Amy Juergen's when she's married to Ricky Underwood.

Even Amy thinks that. She wants me to "move on". But can't she realize that I've spent the past three years of my life on her. Its like she doesn't even remember. And the sad thing is that I'll still always wait for her. No matter what happens I'll be there for her. I know that the minute she needs me even the tiniest bit I'll drop everything and run to her. Because Amy Juergen's will forever be in my life. No matter how hard I try to kick her out of my heart I know that I'll never be able to forget her.

Maybe my life is this way because of her. If I hadn't met her on my first day of school then I wouldn't have stated a relationship with her then we wouldn't have broke up then she wouldn't have kissed Ricky and I wouldn't have had sex with Adrian as revenge and Adrian wouldn't have gotten pregnant and we wouldn't have lost the baby and me and Adrian wouldn't have gotten divorced and I wouldn't have met Dylan and be caught smoking pot and being suspected of arson and my relationship with my dad wouldn't be so messed up. And because of all that I want to forget about her. I want to move on and maybe vaguely remember her name in the future. But I know that wont happen.

If only I had known how everything was going to turn out before I first laid my eyes on her. Then maybe things would be different. But maybe they wouldn't because maybe it would all still be worth it.

I don't know and I guess I never will.

All I know is I love Amy Juergen's. And one day, someday we will be together again.

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**Well that kind of went off track. I've been watching this show since I was 11 and I just hate how their relationship has gone. I juts needed to let everything out.**

**Let me know what you thought!**


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